thank the maker
You think about the most wonderful things whilst occupied with the post thanksgiving porcelain throne.
Amelie wondered how many people are having orgasms right now. (Cans!) I wonder how many people are falling asleep mid-shit right now.
Theoretically if you were to chart such a thing you might see a western wave of mid-shit nap takers, thanks to the time difference from the east to west coasters. So while Aunt Mildred is castigating you for your ill bathroom manners in Providence, you're falling asleep on the toilet in the master bath is Minneapolis, and just about to sit down to dinner in Portland. Except it's the turkey poops in Providence, the sausage shits in Minneapolis, and the tofu regrets in Portland. Also, if you can manage to be in RI, MN and OR at the same time, I'd like to have a chat with you regarding a moneymaking venture. Call me.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I like holidays, but there's a hangover after Halloween and New Years, and Christmas and Valentine's Day are too full of self-comparison heartache. Who needs to wonder what kind of oral the guy next door got from Valentine's Claus? (I have a shaky understanding of holidays.)
But thanksgiving, an acknowledgment of the joy of being alive, and of the necessity of gratitude, I like that. And I like to feed my people. And to be fed, and to drink, these are simple, fundamental pleasures. The framework of the tradition doesn't demand that my family for a specific mold. I don't have to do this holiday any way but the way I want. That's a holiday I can respect, because it's a holiday that respects me.
Happy thanksgiving folks. Be happy and be grateful.