What do you think is happening in Lake Woebegone now that Garrison Keillor has packed it in and gone back to his home planet? I'd like to think that without Keillor's folksy wisdom to keep them in check, those above-average children are going to invent doomsday weapons and overthrow their strong mothers and good looking fathers, and Lake Woebegone will become something like Ender's Game meets Children of the Corn. 

That, or it'll be an epic showdown between technologically superior, heavily-armed above average children and hulking, nigh-unstoppable strong mothers, with the good-looking fathers as the damsel-in-distress figure threatened in the middle. Rugged, capable midwestern farmers in tight, dirty Levis and ripped flannels, their dairy-fed muscular torsos heaving as they try to get enough wind to continue screaming as their irradiated powerhouse of a wife rends steel and titanium asunder in an attempt to get inside the mechanized powersuit designed and worn by her misbehaving above-average eight year old. 

I suppose there were probably strong women and good looking men in Woebegone who weren't parents, but if I had to guess, they left town as soon as the first quiet, nerdy little boy with a polish surname and an irritating precocious affect came lumbering out of the garage in a fifteen foot tall ambulatory tank powered by extraterrestrial elements. I mean, I would. 


Been building the books nonstop the last week or so, and I think I'm finally ready to bust down an agent's door and hold them at squirrel-point until they agree to take over my book-building and publicity responsibilities. Jayzuz, I hate this shit. I mean, I don't hate it totally, but I definitely want to get rolling on the next book, which is in the planning stages and needs another seven or fifty hours of stoned-out brainstorming barnstorm work. I just sent in a proof order for the Origami Man reissue, so that's that. I think I get to do some of my chosen creative crap later on this afternoon. Holly looyah. 

Covers are looking amazing. First one is done, I just plopped it across the Origami Man page. Tom McGrath does some amazing work, I must say. Check him out here, he's really something. 

Saw the debate last night. I have a working holiday visa for New Zealand, I have a fresh passport and some money, and Diane is running around in those hills with my kidney, so I suppose now is as good a time as it'll ever be for me to hit the far side of the planet for a while. I'm excited for a change, I just wish that I didn't feel increasingly like there this country is nipping at my heels, trying to get me to leave. It was cute when I got my new passport in less than a week. It stopped being cute when I watched Trump in the first debate, and it turned into something like a microwaved suppurating guinea pig when I saw him last night. Motherfucker needs to get darted in the neck by animal control. 

To paraphrase a quote from the great Jack Nicholson, "This [country] needs an enema!"
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Heh-HEY there, America, and thanks for stopping by for another edition of Ben Needed Something For His Blog Trivia! I'm your host, the interchangeable Id, Ego and Super-Ego of Benjamin Mumford-Zisk, here to tell you that tree pollen is the number on killer of Americans under ninety-nine, so don't forget to spay and neuter your houseplants! 

1.1

1. The average cumulus cloud weighs how much, fifty pounds, one thousand pounds, a hundred thousand pounds, or more than a million pounds?
2. Which group bites more people every year, sharks or New Yorkers?
3. What famous European chocolate spreadable was invented during WWII by a hazelnut-rich Italian gentleman looking to extend his chocolate ration?
4. What famous elf-driven Nintendo game with a misleading title made its debut on this day in 1986, making it thirty years old and far more successful at that age than I am WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
5. What common farm animal, which shares its name with a Black Sabbath song, was employed by alexander the great to frighten his enemies’ War Elephants? 

I have this team that shows up a lot of Sundays who call themselves them Muffdivers. They sit in the corner and yell "Muff Die VERS!" every chance they get. They get a lot of chances, cause they're like twenty-one and go to college, so they're used to going after every opening they see. I also pause a lot. I think they might be scared of silence. They're great. 

1.2

1. Which two objects in the sky appear to be the same size due to the smaller object being both four hundred times smaller in diameter and four hundred times closer to the earth, approximately? You need to get them both for credit, BEE TEE DUBS. Round one, kids.
2. Mattel once tried to sue the band Aqua over what song?
3. St Patrick’s Day is known as a day of excess today given the holiday’s origins as a feast day on which worshipers could, for one day, ignore the restrictions leveled on them by which Catholic religious observance? Another way of getting this answer would be to turn to a catholic and ask them, what the hell are you doing for god, these days?
4. What mythical creature remains the national animal of Scotland, in spite of the fact that it is 2016? Your hint is that because Scotland is not a virgin, the nation will never be able to attract one of these things.
5. What does Jordan Peele, of Key and Peele, have in common with Jennifer Love Hewitt, star of The Ghost Whisperer and a lot of other things that were not The Ghost Whisperer? 

2.1

1. For one point apiece, name both of Harper Lee’s famous novels, one of which is an American classic and the other of which is a rehash that dismantles the victories of an American classic?
2. I Love You Porgy was the first hit for which famous American chanteuse?
3. What shimmering craft supply, also known as ‘craft herpes,’ is in fact so unique thanks to its manufacturing processes that it can and has been used as forensic evidence in court cases?
4. There are at least one point six million of which of the following for every human being on Earth: Ants, Chopsticks, or old AOL CDs?
5. What is the name of the American magazine, published by Conde Nast, specializing in long form reportage and literature, whose first issue hit the stands this week in 1925? 

Hey, we're gonna do our super secret bonus round! All these questions fit a theme, and if you can tell me what the theme is, I'll give you five extra points! Well, I won't give them to you, I'm not scoring this and I'm actually a figment of your imagination! 

I'm not wearing underwear. 
I don't have a body. 
Boo!
2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND

1. Bill Watterson is the creator of what beloved comic strip, which follows the adventures of a little blond boy and his hyperactive imagination?
2. Tyler Durden and the Narrator are the protagonists of what oft quoted novel and movie?
3. The giant terrible rabbit that follows Donnie Darko has been called a horror-movie homage to this 1950 Jimmy Stewart movie, in which a loveable alcoholic claims that he has made friends with an invisible, six foot bow-tie wearing rabbit?
4. Who is Big Bird’s best friend on Sesame Street?
5. Maurice Sendak is the author of what beloved children’s novel?
6. BONUS THEME IS? (5 points)

Didja GET IT? 
Man, I didn't. I never do. And they won't give me the answers until after the commercials, cause ONE TIME I made a few bets. Never gonna let me forget that, ARE ya, Ernie? No, I'm not gonna let it go, my goddam knee pops every time I sit down!
Because they broke it!
Because I couldn't pay the vig, ERNIE. 

Anway. 
3.1

1. What does the Japanese  word Kamikaze translate to in English?
2. What is the name of the current Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church? Your hint is that he’s been all over the news for his wild exploits with the ah, the Pope. Papparazzi has been all OVER them at the clubs.
3. Sam Peckinpah is best known as a director of what genre of movie? It’s not porn.
4. What does NASCAR stand for?
5. What is the name of the 1948 breeding contest that resulted in the breed of chicken that we all know, love, and eat the shit out of to an obscene degree? Was it Chickfest ’48, The Chicken of Tomorrow, or Fowler’s Best in Breed Poultry Convention?

 You know, eat the shit out of is a really terrible phrase. Who came up with that? It was Pamela, wasn't it? 
Bill? I thought he was a Mormon? 
They can lapse? 
Huh. Learn something new every day. 

3.2

1. According to the company’s Chief Marketing Officer, in the mid-nineties about half of the CDs produced in the world had which company’s logo on them?
2. The Prague Cemetary, the Name of the Rose and The Island of the day before are all books by this Italian novelist, who died this past week at the age of 84.  Your hint is if you’ve heard of any 84 year old Italian novelists who died this past week, it was probably this one.
3. Danny Devito’s first job was as a hairdresser for what group of people who never need a hairdresser more than once?
4. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first American Woman to attend what kind of school? She was admitted as a joke in 1847 and then graduated in 1849 and opened her own practice.
5. And finally, for a whopping FIFTEEN POINTS if you know your shit…For one point apiece…name all of Chuck Palahniuk’s novels. 

All right, folks, I'm betting there's a lot of one and two point responses to that last one, we'll be back with answers, after this!
Where's my cigarettes? 
Yeah, I did quit, there's a key bump in there. 
It's been a long year, Ern. 
Well, Marsha left, and I think she wants a divorce, I dunno, I'm having panic attacks every–


"Well, no, I just don't think we can trust someone like her in the White House." 
"She was Secretary of State, dad. And I mean, even if you don't like her, what about Bernie-"
"Oh, don't talk to me about that socialist. I mean, I haven't made up my MIND to vote for Trump, but..."
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PrickOff. Remember, there's a chance that gold-mopped psychopath could win, so the more of these morons we keep from voting, the better. 

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Trivia time is back! 
Last night's game featured both the only super secret bonus theme that no one has ever guessed, and the only time I've gotten applause for an answer no one knew. The answers in round 2.2 all fit a theme...can you tell me what it is?

1.1

1. Kicking things off with some vitriol and kick-drum, Sigh No More, Babel and Wilder mind are the asinine titles of this stupid fucking dogshit neofolk band.
2. What science-fiction friendly brand of stainless-steel American automobile will resume production next month for the first time in more than thirty years?
3. What did Donald Trump host in lieu of attending the GOP debate the other day? Which day? Who gives a shit?
4. So apparently Michael Jackson made it clear before he died that he didn’t want to be played by a white actor, in spite of all the jokes. Moving ahead a few years, what is the name of the white actor that will portray MJ in an upcoming British TV movie?
5. Which three letter agency shared a series of documents on the internet this past week, dubbing them X-files?

ANSWERS
 
1.2

1. Which of the presidential candidates has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?
2. Which New York State city is known as the City of Light?
3. This GOP candidate was portrayed on SNL saying ‘Doctors say that I have a very punch-able face.’
4. Where has Flint, Michigan been getting its tainted water for the last two years?
5. What was the first animal humans domesticated? The answer might surprise you.

ANSWERS
SCORES
BONUS
 
2.1

1. Who were the two lead singers in NSync? This is your yearly reminder that boybands, however appalling in their own right, still adhere to certain traditional artistic conventions, which is a polite way of saying they sing in five part harmonies, and not everybody gets to be the quarterback.
2. On this day in 1606 Guy Fawkes was executed for his role in this plot, whose stated goal was the overthrow of British Parliament and the assassination of King James.
3. In our continuing coverage of the Robot Apocalypse, it was revealed this past week in the journal Nature that this past October a computer program beat a human in an un-handicapped, full-size match against a professional player of what Chinese strategy board game? It’s not Monopoly.
4. What was the name of the first movie to break two billion dollars in the box office?
5. Ham the Astrochimp was a real animal-person who lived from July 1956 to January 1983. We know him as the first chimpanzee to do what?

 
ANSWERS
Funniest team name
 
2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND

1. What is the common name for the theoretical transfer of matter or energy from one point to another without traversing the physical space between them?
2. Which dinosaur’s name, translated, means “Tyrant Lizard?”
3. Who was the star of the 1974 movie Death Wish?
4. The name of this mythological figure means, in Hebrew, Adversary, and in Arabic, Astray, Distant, and a third thing that I can’t tell you because it gives away the answer.
5. This 1955 science fiction horror novel concerns the quiet takeover of Earth by perfect alien duplicates of human beings, who kill people and replace them while they sleep.
6. BONUS THEME IS? (4 points)

 
ANSWERS
SCORES
BONUS
 
3.1

1. What is the name of the company that manufactures Scotch Tape?
2. What is the name of the 1971 media event sponsored by the organization Vietnam Veterans Against the War that was intended to publicize war crimes and atrocities by the US armed forces and their allies in the Vietnam war?......This media event shares its name with the supervillain name of Captain America’s good friend Bucky Barnes.
3. Who did Jackie Robinson play ball for? Correct answers get three points apiece.
4. What two coins have been produced every year since the creation of the US Mint in 1794? You hint is that the Canadian Beaver Nickel is not produced by the US Mint.
5. j What is the name of Frank Millers acclaimed, loosely episodic comic series featuring a stark visual palate and not a lot of happy endings?

 
ANSWERS
 
3.2

1. How many cubes are there in a Rubix Cube?
2. In a conventional deck of cards, which is the only king without a mustache?
3. This TeeVee show, which aired from January 31 1949 to February 25…1949, is widely credited as the first ever daytime soap opera. Your hint is that if the dates are any indication it wasn’t very good.
4. According to Forbes Magazine, what are the three most valuable brands in the world right now?
5. Name the presidents who appear on the following bills: $1, $2, $5, $50, $1000, $100,000

Trivia time it's trivia time it's tri vee ah TIIIME!
Sorry I'm late this week folks, I was stuck in 1871 making sure that President Arglaban's (#68) great^9 grandfather wasn't crushed by a rolling ball of moose parts. Long story. 

Let's get started!
Bear in mind, this was a game for SUNDAY, 12/6

1.1

1. Kicking things off with a nod to the Christmas Season, what did Saint Nikolaos the Wonderworker, the famously generous saint who was the inspiration for the modern santa claus, do today in 343?
2. In how many forms of communication is famous droid C-3PO fluent?
3. In current events news that isn’t going to be a total downer, NASA released more photos of what this week?
4. This multi-volume encyclopedia set was first written in 1768 by Colin Macfarquhar and Andrew Bell, along with several others.
5. Which animated comedy boasts the “first known mathematical theorem to be created entirely for the purpose of entertainment in a TV show?”

 
1.2

1. Groups of stray dogs in which Eastern European city have been observed using the metro (or subway,) to commute between comfortable areas and prime scavenging areas.
2. What life affirming foodstuff do we get from pig belly?
3. The name of what wine grape varietal means Black Pine in French?
4. Which alliteratively-named famous woman had a baby yesterday?
5. Complete this sentence: “And in the frozen wastelands of the North, they were forced to eat Sir Robin’s __________, and there was much rejoicing.”

 
2.1

1. This contemporary film director, who gave us Forgetting Sarah Marshall, (which I decided was a nice, safe not quite too obvious hint for you,) developed such cult classic TV shows as Undeclared, Freaks and Geeks and Girls, is considered to be the creator of the modern Bromantic Comedy.
2. This US President, who was once portrayed on SNL by Dan Ackroyd, called in a UFO sighting at one point preceding his presidency.
3. The Great Wall of China is known for being constructed to keep out this invading army, above all others.
4. This British Claymation comedy series follows the exploits of a harebrained inventor (aren’t they all?) and his long-suffering canine protector.
5. Which animal has the longest known gestation period in the world? The African Elephant, the Frilled Shark, or the Fruit Fly?

 
 
2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND
                  This week we are gonna switch things up. I’m gonna read you ten titles of movies. Except these movie titles have been translated into another language, and then translated back into English. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tell me what these movies were called originally.

1. This hitman is not as cold as he thought.
2. Vaseline
3. He’s a Ghost!
4. Mom, I missed the Plane
5. The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses
6. Urban Neurotic
7. Captain Supermarket
8. Zany Son-in-law, Zippy Grandkids, Sour Father-in-Law
9. Pigs and Diamonds

 
3.1

1. What was the first city in the world to host LICENSED taxicabs? Note that taxicab does not have to mean “automobiles.”
2. On this day in 1969 the Hell’s Angels, who had been hired as private security, accidentally killed a woman at a concert for which famous rock and roll band?
3. What did the NYTimes put on their front page today for the first time since 1920?
4. What does Sting play in the Police?
5. Which comic book anti-hero has been played by both Carl Urban and Sylvester Stallone?

 

 
3.2

1. What is the Capital of Ecuador?
2. What is the common colloquial name for the ethno-nationalist conflict fought along ethnic and sectarian lines, that is, catholic vs protestant, in Northern Ireland and surrounding countries that went on between the late 1960’s and Good Friday 1998?
3. Who was the only president never to marry?
4. Moving to the world of pseudonyms, an old standby: Clark Kent is to Superman as George Nelson is to whom?
5. According to legend, who wrote the words “For Sale: Baby Shoes. Never Worn,” when pressed to write a novel in only six words? 

We'll be right back, after these messages!

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Fun crowd, last night. Lots of teams, good turnout. Hopefully Rulloff's made theirs, I feel a mite guilty when they shell out a hundred bucks for me to lead one of three teams to a fifty dollar gift certificate. Last night had twelve, I believe, and a few extra splinter teams that only played the bonus rounds for beer. God bless 'em. 

Enjoy! 

​1.1

1. Kicking things off with a sobering metaphor for our political landscape in 2015, a Democratic candidate in Mississippi won a seat in the state house of representatives this past week by performing what feat in order to break an electoral tie?
2. Continuing our theme of end of the world shenanigans, what is the first genetically modified food animal approved for sale in the united states? Your hint is that dolly the sheep died a long time ago, and that’s gross.
3. Add a four letter word to the beginning of the following four words in order to create four entirely new words! Back, fish, hard, job.
4. During the Cold War the US government in its infinite wisdom considered dropping enormous WHATs on the soviet union, each with the label ‘Medium?
5.  The literary review awarded which self-obsessed, hyper-judgemental and permanently sad, melancholy, depressed, PAIN IN THE ASS singer the Literary Review Bad Sex Award for the ‘egregious passage of sexual description’ in said singer’s debut novel, List of the Lost.

 
1.2

1. It takes approximately what fraction of a second for a ninety-five mile an hour fastball to travel the sixty feet six inches from the mound to the plate, and yes, this is a round one question because you can just do the math if you’re so inclined.
2. Scientists this past week revealed in a paper that they had trained what sort of animal to correctly identify benign or malignant tissue in mammograms?
3. The phrase, “Do geese see god,” is an example of what?
4. What common physical term comes from a root Latin word meaning “to throw out, shoot out, hurl, cast or dart?”
5. Clark Kent is to Superman as Robert Zimmerman is to whom? 

2.1

1. The first ever WHAT was created in 1991 to watch the coffee pot in the Trojan Room, a break room in the computer lab at Cambridge University?
2. The failure a company manufacturing miniature WHAT’S has prompted calls for stricter controls and vetting processes by the Kickstarter crowdfunding organization.
3. A version of Mattel’s famous toy, 1965s Slumber Party Barbie came with a  book called ‘How to Lose Weight’ that featured which two word weight-loss tip?
4. The second largest WHAT was discovered this past week at a mine in South Africa?
5. Louis Reard, the inventor of the bikini, said that a two piece bathing suit could not be called a bikini unless it could be pulled through what piece of matrimonial accouterment?

 

2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND
There's a theme linking all of these answers. Can you tell me what it is? 

1. What was the first film created entirely from computer-generated imagery?
2. What is the more common name of the Beatles album entitled, “The Beatles?”
3. This volatile, toothy boxer defeated Trevor Berbick in 1986 to become the youngest ever heavyweight boxing champion of the world.
4. James Franco is starring in the currently filming adaptation of which recent Stephen King novel?
5. What American non-profit organization was created in 1954 by Fred Myers, Helen Jones, Larry Andrews and Marcia Glaser to address animal-related cruelties and animal welfare problems on a national scale?
6. WHAT IS...this weeks super secret bonus theme? 

 
3.1

1. After 40 years Carly Simon revealed this past week which man was the subject of her hit song “you’re so vain,” which famously features the line, ‘You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.” For three points, is You’re So Vain about Warren Beatty, Jack Nicholson or Mick Jagger, all of whom Simon knew…BIBlically?
2. G-Mail was originally a service offered by which website?
3. Richard Nixon delivered his famous line, “I am not a crook,” at a resort in which famous theme park?
4. Due to lyrics that may have misled careless consumers, camera company Polaroid was forced to release a statement clarifying that “Shaking or waving can actually damage the image” following the release of this song in 2003.
5. A 2002 paper from astronomers at Johns Hopkins University clarified that the light of 200,000 galaxies, taken together, colors the universe a shade of beige called WHAT?

 

3.2

1. The city of Detroit presented which middle eastern dictator with the Key to the City in 1980, after he donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to a struggling church?
2. This ex-Python, that is, Monty Python cast member, is the director of such films as Time Bandits, Brazil, and The Fischer King.
3. Who is the only non-human to testify before Congress?
4. What is the only word that rhymes with Orange, and for two bonus points, what color is a polar bear’s fur?
5. No republican has been elected to the office of President of the United States since 1928 without what or what on their ticket? 

Answers after the break. 

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