What do you think is happening in Lake Woebegone now that Garrison Keillor has packed it in and gone back to his home planet? I'd like to think that without Keillor's folksy wisdom to keep them in check, those above-average children are going to invent doomsday weapons and overthrow their strong mothers and good looking fathers, and Lake Woebegone will become something like Ender's Game meets Children of the Corn. 

That, or it'll be an epic showdown between technologically superior, heavily-armed above average children and hulking, nigh-unstoppable strong mothers, with the good-looking fathers as the damsel-in-distress figure threatened in the middle. Rugged, capable midwestern farmers in tight, dirty Levis and ripped flannels, their dairy-fed muscular torsos heaving as they try to get enough wind to continue screaming as their irradiated powerhouse of a wife rends steel and titanium asunder in an attempt to get inside the mechanized powersuit designed and worn by her misbehaving above-average eight year old. 

I suppose there were probably strong women and good looking men in Woebegone who weren't parents, but if I had to guess, they left town as soon as the first quiet, nerdy little boy with a polish surname and an irritating precocious affect came lumbering out of the garage in a fifteen foot tall ambulatory tank powered by extraterrestrial elements. I mean, I would. 


Been building the books nonstop the last week or so, and I think I'm finally ready to bust down an agent's door and hold them at squirrel-point until they agree to take over my book-building and publicity responsibilities. Jayzuz, I hate this shit. I mean, I don't hate it totally, but I definitely want to get rolling on the next book, which is in the planning stages and needs another seven or fifty hours of stoned-out brainstorming barnstorm work. I just sent in a proof order for the Origami Man reissue, so that's that. I think I get to do some of my chosen creative crap later on this afternoon. Holly looyah. 

Covers are looking amazing. First one is done, I just plopped it across the Origami Man page. Tom McGrath does some amazing work, I must say. Check him out here, he's really something. 

Saw the debate last night. I have a working holiday visa for New Zealand, I have a fresh passport and some money, and Diane is running around in those hills with my kidney, so I suppose now is as good a time as it'll ever be for me to hit the far side of the planet for a while. I'm excited for a change, I just wish that I didn't feel increasingly like there this country is nipping at my heels, trying to get me to leave. It was cute when I got my new passport in less than a week. It stopped being cute when I watched Trump in the first debate, and it turned into something like a microwaved suppurating guinea pig when I saw him last night. Motherfucker needs to get darted in the neck by animal control. 

To paraphrase a quote from the great Jack Nicholson, "This [country] needs an enema!"
​

​

You ever open up your website and there's like, more cobwebs than not cobwebs? And then you inhale some of the cobwebs when you're groping for the light switch, and you start coughing and a lot more cobwebs fall on you and you wonder all of a sudden if 'cobweb spiders' are a thing, and then you fall on you ass and you're covered in cobwebs and you realize none of this actually happened, because web sites are just digital images on a screen, and however terrifying they might be, cobweb spiders can't live inside a flat screen? 
But if you're reading this on an old school CRT monitor, watch out. Cobweb spiders. 

Been editing my ass off lately. That's a clever way to tell you that bikini season is coming, and I've been hitting the squats hard. 
Wait, no, I'm talking about writing. I've been editing the book. Still on track to release the sequel sometime in the next several months, although given that advertising is a thing I have to do, I may delay the release in order to foster interest. Foment? Fricassee. I need to fricassee interest in my book. 

But I am editing. And the editing goes well. I just haven't been on my hustle, lately. Jay-Z would be disappointed in me. He might even say I've been knocking the hustle, even though presumably you can't do that. He might, however, tempter his disapproval with some recognition of my grind. Been grinding on this book like Beyonce grinds...the heads of screws down when she's refinishing her deck. She's got kids running barefoot, nobody wants their foot cut open on a rusty screw. Nobody is putting a ring on that. 

​This is the view from where I am:

This is where I live, now. This desk. Typical day is wake up, edit until I start having fantasies about running away and joining the Marine's Circus (they have SEALs) go to the gym to remind myself I live in a world populated by people who aren't just extensions of myself, then go to work and make those people drinks. Rinse, repeat. 

It's not surprising to me that I chose to do this. What surprises me is the degree to which I am compelled to do this. If I had done anything else, if I were a lawyer, or a sanitation worker, or a professional killer, I would still be telling myself stories in my head. I'm still doing it, even as I work on The Adventures of Gregory Samson, Space Explorer. I'm coming up with other stories, writing them down, putting them aside for later, like a squirrel hoarding nuts that fall out of his ears. 

That would be one confused, happy squirrel. I suppose that's me. A happy person, confused at their luck. 

I'll update this when I have more to say. In the meantime, my idiot twitter feed and utterly narcissistic Instagram feed will most likely remain idiotic and narcissistic, respectively, and sporadically amusing. 

Hemingway never had to run his own god damn twitter feed. 

Heh-HEY there, America, and thanks for stopping by for another edition of Ben Needed Something For His Blog Trivia! I'm your host, the interchangeable Id, Ego and Super-Ego of Benjamin Mumford-Zisk, here to tell you that tree pollen is the number on killer of Americans under ninety-nine, so don't forget to spay and neuter your houseplants! 

1.1

1. The average cumulus cloud weighs how much, fifty pounds, one thousand pounds, a hundred thousand pounds, or more than a million pounds?
2. Which group bites more people every year, sharks or New Yorkers?
3. What famous European chocolate spreadable was invented during WWII by a hazelnut-rich Italian gentleman looking to extend his chocolate ration?
4. What famous elf-driven Nintendo game with a misleading title made its debut on this day in 1986, making it thirty years old and far more successful at that age than I am WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?
5. What common farm animal, which shares its name with a Black Sabbath song, was employed by alexander the great to frighten his enemies’ War Elephants? 

I have this team that shows up a lot of Sundays who call themselves them Muffdivers. They sit in the corner and yell "Muff Die VERS!" every chance they get. They get a lot of chances, cause they're like twenty-one and go to college, so they're used to going after every opening they see. I also pause a lot. I think they might be scared of silence. They're great. 

1.2

1. Which two objects in the sky appear to be the same size due to the smaller object being both four hundred times smaller in diameter and four hundred times closer to the earth, approximately? You need to get them both for credit, BEE TEE DUBS. Round one, kids.
2. Mattel once tried to sue the band Aqua over what song?
3. St Patrick’s Day is known as a day of excess today given the holiday’s origins as a feast day on which worshipers could, for one day, ignore the restrictions leveled on them by which Catholic religious observance? Another way of getting this answer would be to turn to a catholic and ask them, what the hell are you doing for god, these days?
4. What mythical creature remains the national animal of Scotland, in spite of the fact that it is 2016? Your hint is that because Scotland is not a virgin, the nation will never be able to attract one of these things.
5. What does Jordan Peele, of Key and Peele, have in common with Jennifer Love Hewitt, star of The Ghost Whisperer and a lot of other things that were not The Ghost Whisperer? 

2.1

1. For one point apiece, name both of Harper Lee’s famous novels, one of which is an American classic and the other of which is a rehash that dismantles the victories of an American classic?
2. I Love You Porgy was the first hit for which famous American chanteuse?
3. What shimmering craft supply, also known as ‘craft herpes,’ is in fact so unique thanks to its manufacturing processes that it can and has been used as forensic evidence in court cases?
4. There are at least one point six million of which of the following for every human being on Earth: Ants, Chopsticks, or old AOL CDs?
5. What is the name of the American magazine, published by Conde Nast, specializing in long form reportage and literature, whose first issue hit the stands this week in 1925? 

Hey, we're gonna do our super secret bonus round! All these questions fit a theme, and if you can tell me what the theme is, I'll give you five extra points! Well, I won't give them to you, I'm not scoring this and I'm actually a figment of your imagination! 

I'm not wearing underwear. 
I don't have a body. 
Boo!
2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND

1. Bill Watterson is the creator of what beloved comic strip, which follows the adventures of a little blond boy and his hyperactive imagination?
2. Tyler Durden and the Narrator are the protagonists of what oft quoted novel and movie?
3. The giant terrible rabbit that follows Donnie Darko has been called a horror-movie homage to this 1950 Jimmy Stewart movie, in which a loveable alcoholic claims that he has made friends with an invisible, six foot bow-tie wearing rabbit?
4. Who is Big Bird’s best friend on Sesame Street?
5. Maurice Sendak is the author of what beloved children’s novel?
6. BONUS THEME IS? (5 points)

Didja GET IT? 
Man, I didn't. I never do. And they won't give me the answers until after the commercials, cause ONE TIME I made a few bets. Never gonna let me forget that, ARE ya, Ernie? No, I'm not gonna let it go, my goddam knee pops every time I sit down!
Because they broke it!
Because I couldn't pay the vig, ERNIE. 

Anway. 
3.1

1. What does the Japanese  word Kamikaze translate to in English?
2. What is the name of the current Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church? Your hint is that he’s been all over the news for his wild exploits with the ah, the Pope. Papparazzi has been all OVER them at the clubs.
3. Sam Peckinpah is best known as a director of what genre of movie? It’s not porn.
4. What does NASCAR stand for?
5. What is the name of the 1948 breeding contest that resulted in the breed of chicken that we all know, love, and eat the shit out of to an obscene degree? Was it Chickfest ’48, The Chicken of Tomorrow, or Fowler’s Best in Breed Poultry Convention?

 You know, eat the shit out of is a really terrible phrase. Who came up with that? It was Pamela, wasn't it? 
Bill? I thought he was a Mormon? 
They can lapse? 
Huh. Learn something new every day. 

3.2

1. According to the company’s Chief Marketing Officer, in the mid-nineties about half of the CDs produced in the world had which company’s logo on them?
2. The Prague Cemetary, the Name of the Rose and The Island of the day before are all books by this Italian novelist, who died this past week at the age of 84.  Your hint is if you’ve heard of any 84 year old Italian novelists who died this past week, it was probably this one.
3. Danny Devito’s first job was as a hairdresser for what group of people who never need a hairdresser more than once?
4. Elizabeth Blackwell was the first American Woman to attend what kind of school? She was admitted as a joke in 1847 and then graduated in 1849 and opened her own practice.
5. And finally, for a whopping FIFTEEN POINTS if you know your shit…For one point apiece…name all of Chuck Palahniuk’s novels. 

All right, folks, I'm betting there's a lot of one and two point responses to that last one, we'll be back with answers, after this!
Where's my cigarettes? 
Yeah, I did quit, there's a key bump in there. 
It's been a long year, Ern. 
Well, Marsha left, and I think she wants a divorce, I dunno, I'm having panic attacks every–


"Well, no, I just don't think we can trust someone like her in the White House." 
"She was Secretary of State, dad. And I mean, even if you don't like her, what about Bernie-"
"Oh, don't talk to me about that socialist. I mean, I haven't made up my MIND to vote for Trump, but..."
Does this happen to you? Do you find your family holidays ruined by off-the-rails conservative elements in your family? Are you tired of mentally compensating for loved ones who veil racist, misogynistic or culturally suicidal sentiments behind vaguely-articulated political dogma? Then PrickOff is for you! 
Prickoff is a medical-grade corrosive substance bound up in a viscous antiseptic and anesthetic solution that can be swabbed on to the unevolved members of your family to quickly and painlessly burn them away. PrickOff works in minutes, and cleans up with water!
So next time Gramma starts talking about the Thugs in the White House, or Uncle Frank tells you he supports Donald Trump's plan to bomb Agraba, don't nod and smile and add to your ulcer! Reach for the PrickOff, and Make America Great again!
PrickOff. Remember, there's a chance that gold-mopped psychopath could win, so the more of these morons we keep from voting, the better. 

​


 

Trivia time is back! 
Last night's game featured both the only super secret bonus theme that no one has ever guessed, and the only time I've gotten applause for an answer no one knew. The answers in round 2.2 all fit a theme...can you tell me what it is?

1.1

1. Kicking things off with some vitriol and kick-drum, Sigh No More, Babel and Wilder mind are the asinine titles of this stupid fucking dogshit neofolk band.
2. What science-fiction friendly brand of stainless-steel American automobile will resume production next month for the first time in more than thirty years?
3. What did Donald Trump host in lieu of attending the GOP debate the other day? Which day? Who gives a shit?
4. So apparently Michael Jackson made it clear before he died that he didn’t want to be played by a white actor, in spite of all the jokes. Moving ahead a few years, what is the name of the white actor that will portray MJ in an upcoming British TV movie?
5. Which three letter agency shared a series of documents on the internet this past week, dubbing them X-files?

ANSWERS
 
1.2

1. Which of the presidential candidates has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?
2. Which New York State city is known as the City of Light?
3. This GOP candidate was portrayed on SNL saying ‘Doctors say that I have a very punch-able face.’
4. Where has Flint, Michigan been getting its tainted water for the last two years?
5. What was the first animal humans domesticated? The answer might surprise you.

ANSWERS
SCORES
BONUS
 
2.1

1. Who were the two lead singers in NSync? This is your yearly reminder that boybands, however appalling in their own right, still adhere to certain traditional artistic conventions, which is a polite way of saying they sing in five part harmonies, and not everybody gets to be the quarterback.
2. On this day in 1606 Guy Fawkes was executed for his role in this plot, whose stated goal was the overthrow of British Parliament and the assassination of King James.
3. In our continuing coverage of the Robot Apocalypse, it was revealed this past week in the journal Nature that this past October a computer program beat a human in an un-handicapped, full-size match against a professional player of what Chinese strategy board game? It’s not Monopoly.
4. What was the name of the first movie to break two billion dollars in the box office?
5. Ham the Astrochimp was a real animal-person who lived from July 1956 to January 1983. We know him as the first chimpanzee to do what?

 
ANSWERS
Funniest team name
 
2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND

1. What is the common name for the theoretical transfer of matter or energy from one point to another without traversing the physical space between them?
2. Which dinosaur’s name, translated, means “Tyrant Lizard?”
3. Who was the star of the 1974 movie Death Wish?
4. The name of this mythological figure means, in Hebrew, Adversary, and in Arabic, Astray, Distant, and a third thing that I can’t tell you because it gives away the answer.
5. This 1955 science fiction horror novel concerns the quiet takeover of Earth by perfect alien duplicates of human beings, who kill people and replace them while they sleep.
6. BONUS THEME IS? (4 points)

 
ANSWERS
SCORES
BONUS
 
3.1

1. What is the name of the company that manufactures Scotch Tape?
2. What is the name of the 1971 media event sponsored by the organization Vietnam Veterans Against the War that was intended to publicize war crimes and atrocities by the US armed forces and their allies in the Vietnam war?......This media event shares its name with the supervillain name of Captain America’s good friend Bucky Barnes.
3. Who did Jackie Robinson play ball for? Correct answers get three points apiece.
4. What two coins have been produced every year since the creation of the US Mint in 1794? You hint is that the Canadian Beaver Nickel is not produced by the US Mint.
5. j What is the name of Frank Millers acclaimed, loosely episodic comic series featuring a stark visual palate and not a lot of happy endings?

 
ANSWERS
 
3.2

1. How many cubes are there in a Rubix Cube?
2. In a conventional deck of cards, which is the only king without a mustache?
3. This TeeVee show, which aired from January 31 1949 to February 25…1949, is widely credited as the first ever daytime soap opera. Your hint is that if the dates are any indication it wasn’t very good.
4. According to Forbes Magazine, what are the three most valuable brands in the world right now?
5. Name the presidents who appear on the following bills: $1, $2, $5, $50, $1000, $100,000

Trivia time it's trivia time it's tri vee ah TIIIME!
Sorry I'm late this week folks, I was stuck in 1871 making sure that President Arglaban's (#68) great^9 grandfather wasn't crushed by a rolling ball of moose parts. Long story. 

Let's get started!
Bear in mind, this was a game for SUNDAY, 12/6

1.1

1. Kicking things off with a nod to the Christmas Season, what did Saint Nikolaos the Wonderworker, the famously generous saint who was the inspiration for the modern santa claus, do today in 343?
2. In how many forms of communication is famous droid C-3PO fluent?
3. In current events news that isn’t going to be a total downer, NASA released more photos of what this week?
4. This multi-volume encyclopedia set was first written in 1768 by Colin Macfarquhar and Andrew Bell, along with several others.
5. Which animated comedy boasts the “first known mathematical theorem to be created entirely for the purpose of entertainment in a TV show?”

 
1.2

1. Groups of stray dogs in which Eastern European city have been observed using the metro (or subway,) to commute between comfortable areas and prime scavenging areas.
2. What life affirming foodstuff do we get from pig belly?
3. The name of what wine grape varietal means Black Pine in French?
4. Which alliteratively-named famous woman had a baby yesterday?
5. Complete this sentence: “And in the frozen wastelands of the North, they were forced to eat Sir Robin’s __________, and there was much rejoicing.”

 
2.1

1. This contemporary film director, who gave us Forgetting Sarah Marshall, (which I decided was a nice, safe not quite too obvious hint for you,) developed such cult classic TV shows as Undeclared, Freaks and Geeks and Girls, is considered to be the creator of the modern Bromantic Comedy.
2. This US President, who was once portrayed on SNL by Dan Ackroyd, called in a UFO sighting at one point preceding his presidency.
3. The Great Wall of China is known for being constructed to keep out this invading army, above all others.
4. This British Claymation comedy series follows the exploits of a harebrained inventor (aren’t they all?) and his long-suffering canine protector.
5. Which animal has the longest known gestation period in the world? The African Elephant, the Frilled Shark, or the Fruit Fly?

 
 
2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND
                  This week we are gonna switch things up. I’m gonna read you ten titles of movies. Except these movie titles have been translated into another language, and then translated back into English. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to tell me what these movies were called originally.

1. This hitman is not as cold as he thought.
2. Vaseline
3. He’s a Ghost!
4. Mom, I missed the Plane
5. The Young People Who Traverse Dimensions While Wearing Sunglasses
6. Urban Neurotic
7. Captain Supermarket
8. Zany Son-in-law, Zippy Grandkids, Sour Father-in-Law
9. Pigs and Diamonds

 
3.1

1. What was the first city in the world to host LICENSED taxicabs? Note that taxicab does not have to mean “automobiles.”
2. On this day in 1969 the Hell’s Angels, who had been hired as private security, accidentally killed a woman at a concert for which famous rock and roll band?
3. What did the NYTimes put on their front page today for the first time since 1920?
4. What does Sting play in the Police?
5. Which comic book anti-hero has been played by both Carl Urban and Sylvester Stallone?

 

 
3.2

1. What is the Capital of Ecuador?
2. What is the common colloquial name for the ethno-nationalist conflict fought along ethnic and sectarian lines, that is, catholic vs protestant, in Northern Ireland and surrounding countries that went on between the late 1960’s and Good Friday 1998?
3. Who was the only president never to marry?
4. Moving to the world of pseudonyms, an old standby: Clark Kent is to Superman as George Nelson is to whom?
5. According to legend, who wrote the words “For Sale: Baby Shoes. Never Worn,” when pressed to write a novel in only six words? 

We'll be right back, after these messages!

Unhappy down under? 
Having trouble rounding third base? 
Try Schmidt's Sheriff Badge Polish. 
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Nothing Cleans a Badge Like Schmidt's®.

​

Last night's trivia was a trip. Let me tell you. Nice crowd, good energy and WOAH some high scores. 
There are apparently some people out there who still remember every member of G-Unit. 
Who'da thunk? 

If you really want to get the full experience, by the way, I recommend you listen to the songs under the questions as you work. If you're not done by the time the songs are done, FAILURE! EXILE! 

Enjoy!

1.1

1. Due to lack of interest from theaters, which iconic 1977 movie was bundled for sale with the more hotly anticipated film The Other Side of Midnight? Your hint is that of all the iconic movies that came out in 1977, I can promise that the answer is not Eraserhead.
2. What cinematic Easter egg did Google embed in their search code this past week?  
3. Which alarmingly attractive contemporary female singer has blessed us with such lyrics as, ‘yayo yayo moo la la yayo,’ and ‘Don’t act like you forgot, I call the shots shots shots like blah brrap brrap.’
4. Sub Pop, Interphon, Island, Mirage, and United Artists are all what kind of company?
5. Following the appearance of this…candidate… ahem… on Saturday Night Live a few weeks back, NBC will grant four other republican presidential candidates 12 minutes of free advertising. To be fair.

Blakroc, On the Vista
Kieza, hideaway
 
 
1.2

1. According to statistics from the department of labor, what is the most dangerous job in America? Is it fishing, logging or power line installation and maintenance?
2. What was the first video game ever sports arcade game ever produced?
3. True or false: A sixty Minute/Vanity Fair poll published in 2012 revealed that one or two percent of Americans believe that Mitt Romney’s name is Mittens. For one bonus point, what is Mitt Romney’s given name?
4. Complete this sentence, courtesy of Wikipedia and my nightmare journal: “FourFiveSeconds is a song recorded by Barbadian singer Rihanna, American Rapper Kanye West, and ____________.”
5. And finally, taking us back to high school physics and a hint of what hell there is to come in the following rounds, what is the name for the principle that dictates that the observed frequency of a of a wave depends on the relative speed of the source and the observer?

Cyndi Lauper, Money Changes Everything
Daya, Hide Away

2.1

1. How many Narnia books are there, as in the Chronic WHAT Cles of Narnia, and for one bonus point who wrote the chronicles of Narnia? And...all the other ones.
2. What does the F stand for in John F. Kennedy?
3. In which sport would you find an eighteenth man, tap tackles, scrums and yet another iteration of the dreaded offsides rule?
4. In which northern country would you find the Phallus Museum, a museum featuring the preserved phalluses of more than two hundred different creatures, both human and non-human? That’s right, they have Edward Cullen’s AND Mr. Spock’s wieners.
5. What does it mean if a law has a sunset provision?

Meat Puppets, Backwater
Thin Lizzy, Jailbreak

2.2 SUPER SECRET BONUS ROUND 
              Per usual these questions fit a theme. What is that theme? 

1. If you fill a glass to the absolute top with water and then add a handful of powdered salt, will the water overflow?
2. What is the only letter that does not appear on the periodic table of the elements?
3. For one point apiece, what are the only two metals that are not silvery in color?
4. TRUE OR FALSE! Lightning is good for the environment, because lightning strikes produce ozone, which is good for the ozone layer.
5. What is the name of the MOLECULE that makes hot peppers hot?
6. For five points, WHAT IS…this weeks SUPER SECRET bonus THEME?

Freedy Johnson, Bad Reputation
Wallflowers, One Headlight

3.1

1. Who was the first American to orbit the Earth?
2. What is the name of the commission put together by President Lyndon B. Johnson to investigate the assassination of President John F. Kennedy?
3. For three points, what number day of the year is it [11/29/15]? Your hint is, what number day of the year is it?
4. This thirst-inducing racing and car testing facility, located two hours from Salt Lake City in Utah, is usually covered with about an inch of water during the winter.
5. A single organism composed of genetically distinct cells is known as a what? This is not a trick question, I am not referring to sexual reproduction. A single organism, composed of two distinct and coexisting genetic structures, is known as what? Your hint is that this is a word derived from Greek mythology.

Michael Jackson The way you make me feel
The Weeknd In The Night
 
3.2

1. For three points apiece, what two insects top the Schmidt Pain Index, which rates the pain of insect stings?
2. For one point apiece, give me the winners of these football games from last Sunday: Cowboys/Dolphins, Jets/Texans, Packers/Vikings, and Bengals/Cardinals and Rams/Ravens.
3. For three points apiece, name all the members of G-Unit. That’s Guerrilla-Unit, by the way, in case it’s any help. It probably isn’t.
4. Hat Trick is most commonly associated with Hockey on this continent, but the phrase originated in the 1800s in another sport, where it had a similar, but different meaning. What sport first coined the phrase “Hat Trick?”
5. And finally, using a separate sheet of paper, explain what is happening in the sentence Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo.

Led Zepplin Hot Dog
Steve N Seagulls Thunderstruck

Stay tuned for the answers, after THESE MESSAGES!

"So I was on my way to work and I was trying to drink my Starbucks and do my makeup and talk to my girlfriend all while on the train and I kept dropping my phone in my triple-sweet extra-hot nonfat Chai Latte, but like we were having this really important convo about the guy she's been talking to and how like they like to netflix and chill and stuff and junk but like neither of them is trying to do anything serious like a relationship-relationship right? I mean that's not crazy or anything they're just looking for like casual sex and companionship and help with their bills but like they don't want to be a couple or anything like that's too much, and like I kept getting chai in my hair and then my boss was a total dick about it when I asked if I could stop in at Forever 21 for maybe like a new blouse cause the old one had chai on it and really I needed to keep talking to my friend cause like I have my problems too right? Like the guy I'VE been talking to is TOTALLY talking to this other girl too and he says it's not serious but you KNOW that he's not telling me the truth cause I'VE been talking to this other guy too just in case you know? So like I know what it looks like and I TOTALLY needed the time to get my shirt and talk to my girl but like my boss was–"
           SCREEEEEEECAAAAW *flap flap flap* SCREEEEEEEEEEE *flap smack crunch* Omigod get it off of her oh god her face Jesus Christ SCREEEEEEEAAAAW *flap flap flap* Screeeeeeeeeeeeee *flap flap*
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